Moments stood still

As I have processed this thought with many friends and my husband this week I decided I really needed to write about it so here it goes....
So this afternoon, I came home to a cleaned up house, and my husband and my boy! When I got home I could relax, lay on the couch and rest. James and I had a good conversation while the kids played beautifully with eachother. At one point I looked around and thought, I want this moment to stand still, I want Norman Rockwell to come and paint a picture and I want everyone to see that this is my life. I wanted anyone to come over because my home and my family looked just like a magazine depicts.
Most days when you show up to my house it is very likely that you will probably step on some sort of food or trip over a toy. It is likely that there will be dishes in the sink and laundry scattered about. You might even find a ring in the toilet and probably some sort of moldy food in my fridge. I work hard a keeping my home a place of peace and rest and I am realizing, peace and rest is in the eye of the beholder.
Probably about 2-3 times a week, my floors are clean, my dishes are done, (laundry is never done) toys are put in their places, beds are made and my house smells of a burning candle and fresh flowers. I love this, I love this calm quiet place, it helps me rest, yet stress out that it might get messed up! I love cuddling up on my couch with the windows open, the fresh smell and clean house, either reading a book or talking with my husband or playing with my kids. Reality is, that this is not my everyday reality, and thats ok. Because I also love cooking with my daughter even though it makes a mess of the kitchen, I love playing train sets and cars and blocks with my son even though it covers the entire living room floor. I would rather sit on the couch and talk to my husband than spend an hour cleaning up at night.
So heres my battle that I have struggled with, what will other people think of me? Will they ever come back again? Will they think I just dont care? Reality is that they really might think all of these things and reality is that is their issue and not mine. If someone is going to allow something as simple as a messy house to control a relationship, then its not worth it. But I do it, I scramble everytime to clean my house before someone shows up, before they see that I really am a mess at times. I scramble to make a show of who I really want to be, but I am not most of the time. Through this my family pays because I stress before people come and they get the worst of me so I can give the best of me to others. Well, as I have processed it, nothing makes me feel more loved than someone inviting me into their imperfect life. I love when I get invited into a messy house, I love it because they are letting me into who they really are in a day to day life and that they trust me. So I am wanting to let go of my fears, let people into who I really am and love me. My home is a small reflection of me, but my home is not me. When all I really want is to be in relationship, to love and be loved, to know and be known.