I get to be a mom!

So many women in this world are dieing to be a mom. So many women are longing to be pregnant and feel the sensation of a life growing inside. So many women are wanting a messy house to clean or loads and loads of laundry to do or sleepless nights. Because all of these things would mean they would be called the one thing most women long for in life and that is "Mom." So many women cannot and will not ever get to experience this. It seems as though we grow up dreaming of what to name our kids and how we will parent and what that life will be like. We spend most of our childhood dreaming of those day (at least I did). You never expect that this might not be a possiblity.

I feel as though I am one of the incredibly forturnate women who gets to be a mom. I get to spend my days doing laundry, picking up messes, cleaning faces, nursing, not sleeping, dressing little ones, changing diapers, making meals, stepping on toys, giving baths and so much more. I feel like I spend most days wondering what i did all day when I go to bed at night. But whats funny, is that I love it. Yes, there are so many days that are hard and long and exausting. I am tired most of the time. But I just dont feel like I can complain. I dreamed of this life as a child, yes, it is alot harder than I ever dreamed of but so worth it. I feel as though God has given me this desire of my heart when he didnt have to. He has blessed me in ways that many women long for.
I dont say all of this to be arrogant or better that others, but I say it to myself so that I can be continually grateful for what He has given me. I get to be a mom. I dont HAVE to be a mom. I chose that I wanted to be a mom, Jesus chose to bless me with children and by His incredible grace, I GET to be a mom. I have the most forturnate "job" or "life" of raising these precious ones. I have these lives that I get to nurture and share Jesus with. I get to snuggle in their beds and pray with them and love them. I get to clean their dirty faces and know that its because we shared a meal together. I get to put their toys away knowing that we played and played all day. I get to read them books knowing they want to be with me. I get to do laundry knowing my little ones depend on me. I get sleepless nights knowing that they need me and trust me fully to protect them. I am Jesus to my kids right now. I get to be a light of who he is and what a relationship with Him is like. If I want my kids to fall in love with Jesus, I need to be fully in love with Jesus and fully in love with my kids. They look to me and depend on my to teach them about this world, and I GET to be their mom. What an honor.
So when you are tired, exausted, longing for a break, or just frustrated, think of all the women who are dieing to be in your place right now. Think of all the women who are begging Jesus to do all the things that you are complaining about. I have to continually tell this to myself. Its hard and its a tough job being a full time mommy, but the rewards and benefits are so beautiful.

2 years already?!

This Saturday on the 23rd we will celebrate Jedidiah's 2 year birthday! I cannot believe 2 year has gone by since my sweet boy entered this world. Through lots of tears and prayer I found that I was pregnant with him. He was my long awaited child. I begged Jesus for my Jedidiah. My birth story was long and hard and exausting. I remember after 23 hours of labor the feeling of him entering in this world. I remember holding him for the first time and looking into his eyes. Little did I know how he would change my life forever. He was such a hard baby. He LOVED to eat and he cried alot. He had blocked tear ducts so his eyes would seal shut in his sleep. This meant lots of sleepless night for mom and dad. He is my child who smiled the earliest! He laughed at most anything and let just about anyone hold him. He loved life. He grew fast and big.

That little boy is now my two year old. Is amazing what happens in two years! He has grown into this vivacious, full of life, fun-loving, charasmatic, zealous, people-loving, gentle in spirit, caring, incredible boy! He makes me laugh so hard. I fall everytime for his mop of curly blonde hair and huge blue eyes. He knows just how to steal someones heart. He runs to hug people and has left us speechless with how much he loves. He is gentle and sensitive and really cares for people. He knows when someone is hurting and it breaks his heart. He LOVES the bible and he loves Jesus. He begs to read stories and he always want to pray together. He cares deeply for his sisters and longs to love them. Yes, he is not aware of his own strength at times and can bulldoze over someone or fall flat on his face. He cries hard and he laughs hard. He is all or nothing. He knows what he wants and he will go full force for it and fight who is in his way. He is our earliest riser and last to go to bed. He cuddles the most and he fights us the most. He loves anything that would resemble a bat or a ball. He loves to run and jump and skip and basically just go go go all the time.

Sweet Jed boy, you have made my life rich, full, fun and so out of the ordinary. Your hug softens my heart and your little voice can melt the hearts of many. I love to hear you growl and all your animal noises and when you work so hard at saying your abc's and when you laugh so hard you cant contain it. You bring me joy, laughter and you teach me how to rest in who I am. You teach me how to love without abandon. You fully describe the picture of the little children that Jesus tells us to be like. I pray that you use all of these rare, amazing qualites that make up your design and that you fall in love with Jesus. I pray that he finds his way into your tender heart and that you know Him as yours. I pray you trust how you were created and your beautiful charachter and you run with it. I pray you find your strengths and weaknesses protected and that you find absolute joy in who YOU are. I cannot believe I get to be YOUR mom. I am the luckiest mom in the world. Happy Birthday my sweet Jedidiah David!

Coming out of hiding.....

So here I am after 6 months of not posting. Wowy zowy its been a 6 months of craziness. I feel as though I am finally coming out of my "cave." 3 children was a lot for me to take in. I love my children so much and I ache to nurture each of their precious hearts and when number three came, I found it all too much to balance. I never want to be a mom who manages my kids. I want to know them, i want to have honest, safe, genuine relationships with each of them individually. They are created with unique design and purpose and I have a calling as a mom to nurture these. By the grace of God, I find myself learning more of His profound and deep love for me everyday. I will never "do" this right. I will always fail and I will always be saying "i'm sorry" to my children. But I find myself so deeply grateful for Jesus who so gently sweeps in and LOVES my children when I cannot find an ounce of grace for them. He created them and He loves them so much more than I do. That always mind boggles me, because i love my kids so much it actually hurts. Needless to say this has been a season of trusting, lots of grace, love, and complete dependance on my Jesus.

I found myself this morning while watching my 6 month old crawl around the living room start to cry. I started to think of how big she was and then I spiraled into thinking of the fact that my boy who I so despratly longed for is going to be 2 next week. AND THEN I began thinking of my Catherine, my first born who will be starting first grade in 4 weeks. Where did the time go? My heart aches for them to be small, I ache for their dependance, I ache to always wrap my arms around their little bodies and tell them all the things that are beautiful and oh so true about them. I HATE that they have to go out into this horrible world someday. I want to keep them locked in this bubble so that they never get hurt. Obviously that is not how it works. And so thankfully I have a Jesus who knows my heart. As I watch each of my children walk into small amounts of independance I actually find myself proud. Because you see, it is only in these times do they learn to depend on the One who loves them most. I LONG for my kids to know Jesus. I ache for them to know Jesus. I am so thankful that I am not in control. I am thankful that when I am not there he holds them, he wraps his arms tightly around them, he whispers words of truth into their little ears. He LOVES my children. He ADORES my children and He KNOWS my children.

I love being a mom more than anything I have ever loved in my life. I love being a wife and I love my family. But I never want to lose sight of the fact that they too need to grow into what they love and who they are.

Just a few thoughts from my day today. I hope to be on here alot more, seeing as I have LOTS of thoughts.